The less I have to do with the telephone these days, the better.
I am well retired now so I do not make business calls, for example, unless it’s essential to do so. Whenever I have no option but to use the phone, I am invariably appalled at the lack of telephone manners by East London business houses.
The receptionist is, after all, the front line of the organisation and should set the tone, yet how many times do you find the person concerned failing to tell you the name of the business or will gabble or mumble incoherently, causing you to repeat the request?
And how many of you have been driven dilly by being forced to hold on waiting for service of one kind or the other?
Apparently, the average person spends a horrifying 45 hours a year on “hold”. That’s nearly two days of drooping over the telephone listening to a pre-recorded android chant: “If you would like information, press one; if you have a complaint, press two, if you would like to blast this organisation to kingdom come, press three and if you have been reduced to a gibbering idiot capable of communicating only in beeps, press four.”
You press your key and sit through The Four Seasons Overture or the theme music from Against the Wind for 15 minutes, while a voice interrupts the good parts to urge you to be patient and how important you are to them and that your call will be answered shortly.
And when your ears are numb and you’re in a catatonic state of suspended animation, someone will cheerfully say: “Hello, All Weather Components, Carl speaking, how may I help you?”
So you tell him what you want and he says: “Transferring you now,’’ and it starts all over again.
Unless you have a hobbyist’s interest in the digital rendering of poor theme music, there’s only one thing to do to avoid spending the best days of your life being fobbed off by a telephone black hole. Write to them instead. Only you may have to phone for the address.
If you don’t believe me, try the local municipality and the best of luck to you!
But seriously, there is no excuse for bad telephone manners. Here are some general points to bear in mind.
When answering a call during business hours, don’t just say “hello”. Answer by clearly giving the name of your firm so that the caller knows at once that he or she has the right number. It is surprising the number of important East London companies who do not follow this simple procedure.
Don’t telephone after 9pm unless what you have to say is a matter of urgency.
Concentrate when dialling a number (a wrong cellphone call, for example, is expensive).
This will save you and others much frustration. How often have you been disturbed by a wrong number and often by a person who hasn’t the decency to apologise.
Don’t make business calls to after-hours numbers unless it’s essential to do so. People, relaxing after a tiring day, don’t like being troubled or even reminded about work.
Always give your name, even when calling your best friend. People become irritated if they are not sure who they are talking to.
When leaving a message, always give a telephone number where you can be reached. The person you are trying to get hold of may not have access to your number.
If you have to leave the telephone during a call, let your caller know, so that he or she does not go on talking to nobody.
Make sure that the recording on your answering machine identifies you clearly. Always include your telephone number as this will prevent wrong number callers from leaving meaningless messages.
If you are making a business call, identify yourself immediately and unless the person you are phoning knows you well, also name your organisation.
A most annoying telephone habit is that of a businessman who tells his secretary to phone Mr Jones and then is not available to take the call when it comes through.
